hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize