i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
