i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
