After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
