Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
