dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize