Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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