I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
