What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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