I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
