Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
