haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
