Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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