New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
