I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
