Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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