True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
