You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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