I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
