those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
