how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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