You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
