Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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