'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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