i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize