I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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