i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sext me about skeletons
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
