Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I need moral support for this bender
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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