i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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