My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
