Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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