I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
