i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
