Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
