do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
