My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
