I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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