she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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