Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
