I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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