put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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