Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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