It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
