You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
