At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
