I'm gonna have a badass scar
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
