i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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