First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize