Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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