he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
sex in a hospital.. check
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
