I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
