can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
