my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize