Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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