this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
