THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
