You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
