i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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