this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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