Please, let me fuck your mom
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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