I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
