I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
