Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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