After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
