what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
