A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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