Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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