yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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