ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
