ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
