We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
