Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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